STARTING NOW: New Rules for 11/20/08

Posted by Jillian Madison on November 20, 2008

Starting Now: New Rules


STARTING NOW:

Everyone has to boycott the new Karate Kid movie with Jaden Smith. First, you can’t have a Karate Kid without Pat Morita. Second, Jaden Smith is ten. Think about it. Is a crane kick to the nose really the best answer when someone steals your legos?


STARTING NOW:

Match.com has to stop trying to convince me “it’s okay to look.” You know what? I did look. I saw some fat chicks, some old people, and a guy who looked like Chunk from the Goonies. It’s not a dating site anymore… it’s an online gathering spot for people who never got asked to prom.

STARTING NOW:

A 4-oz bottle of vanilla extract isn’t allowed to cost $14. It is crushed vanilla bean mixed with alcohol and corn syrup! Why is it so expensive? The price is so high, last week I saw Snoop Dogg pourin’ out an ounce for his dead homies.

STARTING NOW:

Don’t even attempt to recreate that Alton Brown recipe you saw on Good Eats. Take my word for it – it’s an impossible task. Last week, I went into the kitchen to make his poundcake. I opened my oven an hour later and found something that looked like Betty White’s hair on season 2 of the Golden Girls.

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