Evolution of Joseph Gordon-Levitt: From “Aw, Cute Kid!” to “HOLY SH*T, HE’S SO HOT!”
Looper hits theatres this Friday, and since it’s a movie about time travel, we thought we’d get in the Pophangover Time Machine and look back on the evolution of the ridiculously good-looking face of Joseph Gordon-Levitt! (You’re welcome, ladies.)
1. Roseanne: Ermagerd, he’s so adorable! And he has no idea as to how many hearts he’s going to
destroy with unrealistic expectations that men can be hot, talented, funny, and sweet at the same f*cking time break when he grows up! (Just kidding, of course he knows! Look at that FACE! He definitely knows, dammit. Also that twinkie looks delicious.)
2. 3rd Rock From the Sun: Yes, this haircut is an abomination to JGL’s face. But it was for a 90s sitcom in which he played a f*cking alien trapped in the body of an adolescent, so give his face some credit for still being insanely cute underneath his character’s disguise as the rejected 4th brother in Hanson.
3. 10 Things I Hate About You: This movie gave teenage girls all over America proof that boyfriend-material-nice-guys can also be insanely cute, while also being romantic and chivalrous. Thus, this movie gave teenage girls all over America ridiculously unrealistic expectations and false hopes. But for this face?…worth it.
4. Brick: HOLY SHIT, IS THAT JGL?! He transformed from rom-com boy next door to a damn sexy outcast in his first Rian Johnson film. How the hell did he do that? We don’t know. But we likey.
5. (500) Days of Summer: This movie made all of us ask a very serious question: “What the F*CK IS WRONG with Zooey Deschanel?!” Charming, handsome, funny, romantic, owner of that face–and yet he is still rejected by this woman?! This must be fiction. *Fun Fact: The reason you don’t ever see Zooey Deschanel’s mystery husband? Casting could not realistically find a single human being she would ever actually choose over JGL, so they had to keep the guy faceless–only showing him from the neck down in her wedding scene–in order to keep the movie “realistic.” *Note: Not a real fact, but should be.
6. Inception: JGL evolves once again! This time it’s from G.I.L.M (Guy I’d Like to Marry) into a debonair man-about-dreams, his face holding its own next to Leo’s face. Ladies everywhere claimed they’d definitely like to be incepted by him, without really knowing what that means.
7. Dark Knight Rises: Roger Ebert’s review: “Thank GOD he wasn’t cast as Bane, which would have resulted in the excruciating torture of watching Gordon-Levitt onscreen for over 2 hours without seeing his face, like, at all! Also, I give the movie two thumbs WAY up!”
8. Looper: Wait a minute…Wha…that’s not…it IS HIM?! But, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
…It’s okay, Clint, this is just JGL’s temporary transformation in order to look like a young Bruce Willis in Looper, so NO ONE PANIC! Let’s all be grateful that JGL is just as talented as he is handsome, so this movie is definitely going to be worth seeing… Let’s all go to our “happy place,” and pretend we are the woman in this photo…
…While we watch this…
…And then let’s go see Looper!