The Best R&B Break-Up Songs of the 90s

1. Toni Braxton’s “Un-break My Heart.”  When I first heard this song, I had never thought that a man could sing with such yearning.  I was later even more impressed to find out that Toni Braxton is, indeed, a woman.

The Underlying Break-up Message of the Video: “Oh man, if I could JUST SHAVE HIS FACE ONE MORE TIME!”

2. Boyz II Men: “End of the Road.” No one coordinated outfits like these guys in the 90s. NO ONE.

The Underlying Break-up Message of the Video: “I’m holding a cane and giving a dramatic monologue straight to camera, and also color coordinating and matching all of my outfits with my friends–WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE?!”

3. TLC- “Creep.” Abs.  Their abs.  All of the abs.

The Underlying Break-up Message of the Music Video: “Why on earth would you cheat on these ABS, YOU CRAZY TRUMPET PLAYER?!!!”

4. Mark Morrison: “Return of the Mack.” Possibly the catchiest song about cheating of all time.

The Underlying Break-Up Message of the Music Video: “Woman, I had my SNAKE follow you home and he saw you cheating on me!! THAT’S RIGHT! I HAD AN ACTUAL SNAKE WATCHING YOU, SO ARE YOU SURE YOU WANNA LEAVE ME??”

5. R. Kelly, “Bump N’ Grind.”  It’s not really a break-up song, except for the fact R. Kelly is trying to get a woman to break-up with her boyfriend.  Or not.  Either way is fine, so long as they participate in some harmless, good old-fashioned bumping and grinding.

The Underlying Break-Up Message of the Music Video: “Leather.  Look at all this leather I’m wearing.”  *Note: Isn’t it fantastic how in the middle of making out with his lady at the very end, R. Kelly just looks directly into the camera for no reason at all?

TLC, celebrating after winning the “Best Abs Bestowed on a Musical Trio Ever” Award.