A Complaint From The Rest Of Justin Timberlake’s Clothes

Posted by Earnest on January 28, 2013

We’ve received a email here at Pophangover HQ from Justin Timberlake’s clothes. Apparently, after Justin released the official music video for his new single, Suit & Tie, the resentment felt by the rest of his clothes began to boil over. They got together and compiled an open letter to be published by top tier entertainment sites, such as Pophangover.com and… um… well…. Here’s the email.


Hey Justin,

We just don’t get it. We’ve all served you just as dutifully as your suit and tie, and yet none of us received the recognition they did in your new song. What did they do for you that we didn’t? We’ve never complained about the workload required to make you look good. I mean, come on, without us… you’re still that ramen-headed kid from N*Sync. We’re doing the heavy lifting here, and we’re not asking for much—just a little appreciation and a small percentage of the royalties from Suit & Tie. We all feel equally dissed, but we each have our own complaints.

Hat: Even when you weren’t “on your suit and tie shizz,” I was on your head. How much overtime did I  rack up, huh? I had your back all the way from the top of your head. You needed to look jaunty? I looked jaunty. You needed to look like a semi-serious singer/songwriter, I was there, tilted slightly forward as you pretended to make up a melody on the piano for… how many starlets, Justin? When you tossed me on the floor as you tossed those girls on the bed, I was the one who sat there silently cheering you on.

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Well, will ya look at that! Neither a suit nor a tie. Just a hat, totally setting things off right. You owe me.

Cufflinks: You’ve never thought of us as anything more than glorified buttons. Oh, you’d never say as much out loud, but it’s clear from the way you look at us that you only see shiny buttons. Well, you only see that until the cameras are on. Then, there you go, taking extra care to button us, fingering us oh so gently, making us feel like we mean something, and as soon as the director yells “Cut,” it’s back in the box. You know what, Justin? We don’t need you to devote a whole song to us. Just let us rap in the remix. Did it ever occur to you that we had dreams and ambitions, too? Send Timbaland our demo.

Belt: I’m not with them. I’m considered part of the suit, right?

Shoes: You’ve walked all over us for years. F— You.

In summary, you can’t brush us to the side like we were Brittney Spears at a post-breakup dance-off in 2003. Our voices will be heard, you will pay attention to us, and this summer there will be at least a mixtape singing the praises of the rest of your wardrobe.

Signed,

Your clothes


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