Reality Pitches: Pope My Crib!
Hope you’re cray-cray for rococo because the Pope is about to give your house a Papa Ratzi makeover!
Now that the Pope is retiring from governing the earthly souls of his flock of millions, he can convert all that notoriety into a position on a reality TV show, the goal of all has-been celebrities. Although he isn’t particularly known for his interior design skills, the Pope is going to be remodeling needy people’s homes, putting that unique Vatican Spin on every crib he crashes.
Act 1 – We’re introduced to a young couple that has just moved into their first home, together. They explain why they deserve to have their home Poped, light some candles, and then kneel in prayer.
Act 2 – The Pope arrives in his Popemobile to surprise the couple that has remained kneeled in prayer for however long it takes the Pope to arrive. Pope takes a look around their home, removing all birth control, while asking about the couples’ interests and tastes.
Act 3 – The Pope sends the couple away while he gets to work. The couple has no idea where they’re going, but the Cardinals and Bishops will make sure that they keep getting shuffled around until it’s finally safe for them to come back home.
Act 4 – The Pope meets in secret with College of Cardinals Custom Designz. We don’t get to witness any of this. We’re just waiting for a puff of gray smoke that tells us they’re done deliberating. It’s very boring, but a couple of blowhard “news analysts” speculate on what they might be designing to help pass the time.
Act 5 – The couple returns home and discovers that their home has been Poped out! Their large televisions have been replaced with dope tapestries. There are candleabra everywhere, and what’s that over their bed? A recreation of the Sistine Chapel, spray-painted by Pope Benedict’s close friend, street artist Miguel Angelo. Before they can complain and threaten to sue, the Pope places pope hats on the couple’s heads and shouts his catchphrase: Domi tuae est conversus, y’all!
And now for the all-important question: Would you watch this show, and what network should we pitch it to?
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