Rainbow Aurora and 10 More Terrible Celebrity Baby Names
Holly Madison just had a baby, and yes it’s wonderful that she’s already back to her pre-baby weight in just three short weeks after giving birth. But what we want to know is this: why isn’t anyone talking about what Madison named her daughter? Is it because Rainbow Aurora is about what we’d expect from a former Playboy bunny? (Yes). Is it that we are just so used to “celebrities” and their ridiculous taste in baby names that it’s not even worth mentioning anymore? (Probably). Or could it be that we may have known a Cabbage Patch Kid with a hauntingly similar name in our early childhood and it’s disturbing that a 33-year-old and a 7-year-old would come up with the same name? (No comment). Still, it got us thinking about some of the other LOL-able names of celebrity spawn, the following ten of which are just too amazing not to look back on.
Note: The following names are all REAL, not nicknames. Honestly…Rainbow Aurora really isn’t that bad in comparison.
Beyonce and Jay-Z supposedly named their bouncing baby girl for Jay-Z’s favorite color and favorite number, IV or 4. Conspiracy theorists say that in actuality, it’s “Lucifer’s daughter” if you spell it backwards…and speak Latin. On that note, allow us to interject our own theory: Blue Ivy is Jay-Z’s favorite variety of weed.
Audio Science Clayton
Shannyn Sossamon and her boyfriend went through the dictionary when picking out names for their son. Seriously. “Audio” and “science” were the best they could come up with.
An unforgivable pun by Rob Morrow. It’s hard to even laugh at this one.
Rachel Griffiths cites the Australian writer A.B. “Banjo” Paterson, who wrote “Waltzing Matilda,” as the inspiration for her son’s name. The difference between her son and his namesake? For the latter, Banjo was just a cute nickname that stuck. For the former, it’s just funny.
Maybe it’s not quite fair to make fun of the most desperate of all Jacksons (and that’s saying a lot), but…really Jermaine, Jermajesty? You’re never going to top Michael, or his Princes.
Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee
A song by Grandaddy called “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s The Pilot” sparked the creation of this name for actor Jason Lee’s son. There’s another word in that title which sums up our thoughts on that…
Speck Wildhorse Mellencamp
What the hell, John Mellencamp? Speck? Wildhorse? You are not a Native American (are you?), and therefore have no right to such a name. Unless of course you are a Native American, in which case you would still need to answer for the name Speck.
Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom and Little Pixie
Bob Geldof must have high hopes for his daughters’ very successful future careers as strippers.
When naming their kiddo, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz drew on their mutual like of The Jungle Book. Apparently, they liked The Bronx as well. In a perfect world, Guyliner Hollywood might have been their next child. If only.
As if being the front man of Korn wasn’t already bad enough, Jonathan Davis had to go ahead and name his son Pirate. We can already hear the echoes of “look out for butt Pirate” on the playground. That poor kid, we guess Davis just wants him to grow up tough.
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