Life Hacks For People Who Have Already Given Up On Life!
Life hacks are cool, until you realize that most of them are wayyyyy more trouble than they are worth. That being said, if you’ve got all the time and none of the joy in theworld, some of these might make you feel more clever/pimp/carbo-loaded….
And by “end it,” I assume this means “End your life.” Because once the Nutella is gone, what is left but a vacant and repressed existence?
No foot to wear that shoe or drive that car? Even better!
Also very effective if you want to prevent anyone from going where they need to go, in the hopes that one of them might hit you in the face so you can feel something for once…
Girlfriend Level: What’s a girlfriend?
This way, you won’t have to mix all of that blood on your hands from your last kill with the milk and get your hands even dirtier!
Those onions fit into that muffin pan as well as you fit into society!
This is great because you’ve always got so much pizza left over, given that you never have anyone to share it/your life with!
This one is so practical for people who never want anyone to have sex with them.
Finally, your dreams of being the neighborhood pervert can come true!! Show off that Oreo-and-Nutella built bod in public, Flash Dance style!
If you are a serial killer or even just a recreational kidnapper, this life hack will go a really long way for you!
This one is great for work, especially if your work involves people. (Because I don’t want to DILUTE IT, Captain!)
This is great if you’re the type of girl who LOVES going out and horrifying bar tenders right as they ask if you want to “keep it open or closed?”
The closer they get to you, the higher the chance you have of one of the beasts ending your cold, dreary life for good! Wearing khaki will also up your potential of being murdered by a human by 20%.
Mommy just looked through daddy’s emails, just saying.
Or just use a goddamn pair of scissors?
For the man who has a desktop at his office, but can’t afford a box of tissues for a dollar! (Only because he burns through them so quickly from lamenting over his unappreciated yet worthless life!)
Get rid of those CDs to make room for your fatty bagel by making everyone at your office a mixed tape! (Which is actually just an hour of V.O. of you crying while watching 90s porn and three Everclear songs!)
To compliment your no-meaning existence.
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Follow your heart, but probably not on Twitter.
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