The Guy Playing Jesus in “Son of God” is Uncomfortably Sexy

Posted by Georgie on January 6, 2014

I went to go see Saving Mr. Banks with a friend yesterday, when the trailer for the upcoming film Son of God came on.  Mind you, we didn’t initially know this trailer we were about to watch was about a film about Jesus.  As such, we both looked at each other the moment this hunk of burning love came on screen:

 

Our synchronized response: “WHO DAT?!”

 

 

AmIRight? 

 

 

Our response one moment later, when we realized that this man was playing Jesus:

 

Uh, what?

 

Wait, he’s supposed to be playing JESUS?  The number one figure in history who we’re not allowed to sexualize?!  Can I please go back in time and wash out my brain 5 seconds ago?

 

 

Seemingly not bothered by the fact that this sexy guy is supposed to be Jesus, my friend Nora started singing “Rock Me Sexy Jesus.”

 

We’re both going to hell and we know it at this point.

 

 

 

But once you’ve seen this sexy face…

 

You can’t unsee it.

 

 

It gets worse…

 

Sexy Jesus starts getting even hotter as the trailer goes on, because he starts doing really kind, good, Jesus-y things.  (And in this day and age, where you’re just effing ecstatic when a man holds the door open for you, the idea of a man giving a cripple the ability to walk again sounds pretty freakin’ chivalrous. And sexy.)

 

 

And so  then he has all of these followers who are cheering him on.  You know, like a sexy rockstar…

 

Is…is that girl crowd-surfing?

 

 

And then all these bad guys want to kill him, and he gets all emotional about knowing he’s going to be betrayed.  He’s not afraid to express his feelings…

 

 

 

And then I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF THAT IS A MAN OR A WOMAN, BUT THAT FIGURE IS KISSING JESUS…

 

And I’m feeling jealous for the wrong reasons…

 

 

And he’s so good to his friends– he’d do anything for them.  Like, bring them back to life…

 

 

 

AND OF COURSE HE IS ADORABLE WITH ADORABLE CHILDREN.

 

COME ON!

 

 

But the worst part, the WORST PART… is that the trailer ends with Jesus narrating this: “I am coming soon...”

 

At which point, I automatically, without any thought whatsoever, said, “Yeah you are!” Out loud.  To a large theatre of people I don’t know.

 

Nora laughed, but I knew that I had just booked my one-way ticket to hell.

 

 

Conclusion:  If you’re going to make a movie about Jesus, do us single women a solid and don’t paint him as a dreamboat.  Unless your target demographic is single women who are looking for some eye-candy and one more reason to be admitted into hell.

 

 

At least they didn’t cast Ryan Gosling as Judas?

 

 

 

See the full trailer for Son of God below:

 

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