10 Perfectly Creepy Valentines for Creepy-Ass Motherf—ers!

Posted by Georgie on February 9, 2014

I don’t know where these Valentine’s Day cards came from, but my guess is that they’re being manufactured somewhere in Dante’s 2nd Circle of Hell.  But hey, at least they’re cheaper than Hallmark! (Come on, you know your soul is worth less than a $4.99 card that doesn’t even pop-up. You know…)



I’m not sure whether to just be insulted or just call 911.








Wait. Is she insinuating that that cow just…oh god, no.  NO, BESSIE, NOOOO!








Did ya have to use a cartoon of a child?  Did ya have to, though?








Racism.  Racism everywhere.








Well why didn’t you say so?!








For the first time ever, I’m gonna recommend that you DO drop the soap.










By…by eating me?  I’m not okay with that.  I’m also not okay with going out with a vanilla…









I prefer restraining order.








This is the least sexy way anyone could have ever expressed this in the history of talking dirty.  (Haven’t we all agreed that “moist” is the worst word in the human language, yet?)









Direct and to the point, but also makes me think of “Bates Motel,” which makes me think of murder.  Thanks, but no thanks.  So you can go shave your back now.  Bye, Jason…






Send all unwanted chocolate and hot boyfriends here. (Yes, it is my Twitter account.)

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