5 Funny Valentines Day Poems For Every Type of Person
Funny Valentines Day Poems are the perfect way to say “I love you!” Because nothing says “love” like the cold, dark truth…
Happy Valentine’s Day! I love everyone who comes to Pophangover, so I guess what I’m saying is… I love you. You don’t have to say it back, I just wanted to say it because it’s how I feel. But don’t say it back because you feel like you have to, or whatever. I mean, if you do feel the same way, you can say it if you want. But you don’t have to.
Okay, enough of that soppy rubbish… In order to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, I’ve written a poem for every type of person/couple on this holiday. Enjoy!
Poem #1: For The Guy Who Is Stuck In The Friend Zone
You know you’re in the Friend Zone
Because she does not want to bone
Yet you sit in bed, all alone,
And ‘bate to texts on your phone
Convinced that “:)” had a sexy tone
But you’re just not attractive enough, Tyrone
Poem #2: For The Newly-In-Love Couple
At last, you’ve found a lover
Do you know what rhymes with that?
Hover, cover, smother…
It’s a trap, it’s a trap, it’s a trap.
Poem #3: For The Single Girl Who Can’t Handle It
This is not an easy time
You’re like a victim of a crime
Because this day is a reminder:
You’re not a “keeper,” or a “find her!”
You’re a “going to die alone-r.”
Poem #4: For The Guy Who Thinks Valentine’s Day Is Bullshit
“Love” doesn’t need it’s own special day
It’s an action you do, not something you say
Gestures of love should be natural, not planned
So don’t expect any fucking chocolate, Diane.
Poem #5: For The Couple In A Great Relationship That Have Nice Plans
Fuck you and your happiness,
You’ve really got it made
You’re into all this sappiness,
You know that you’ll get laid.
Your love will last, no need to panic
It’s pure and deep and true
You’re like the lovers in Titanic
Jack dies and you will, too.
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