5 Funny Valentines Day Poems For Every Type of Person

Posted by Georgie on February 14, 2014

Funny Valentines Day Poems are the perfect way to say “I love you!”  Because nothing says “love” like the cold, dark truth…

 

 

Happy Valentine’s Day!  I love everyone who comes to Pophangover, so I guess what I’m saying is… I love you.  You don’t have to say it back, I just wanted to say it because it’s how I feel.  But don’t say it back because you feel like you have to, or whatever. I mean, if you do feel the same way, you can say it if you want.  But you don’t have to.

 

Okay, enough of that soppy rubbish… In order to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, I’ve written a poem for every type of person/couple on this holiday. Enjoy!

 

 

Poem #1: For The Guy Who Is Stuck In The Friend Zone

 
 

You know you’re in the Friend Zone

 

Because she does not want to bone

 

Yet you sit in bed, all alone,

 

And ‘bate to texts on your phone

 

Convinced that “:)” had a sexy tone

 

But you’re just not attractive enough, Tyrone

 

 
 
 

Poem #2: For The Newly-In-Love Couple

 
 

At last, you’ve found a lover

 

Do you know what rhymes with that?

 

Hover, cover, smother…

 

It’s a trap, it’s a trap, it’s a trap.

 
 
 
 

Poem #3: For The Single Girl Who Can’t Handle It

 
 

This is not an easy time

 

You’re like a victim of a crime

 

Because this day is a reminder:

 

You’re not a “keeper,” or a “find her!”

 

You’re a “going to die alone-r.”

 
 
 
 

Poem #4: For The Guy Who Thinks Valentine’s Day Is Bullshit

 
 

“Love” doesn’t need it’s own special day

 

It’s an action you do, not something you say

 

Gestures of love should be natural, not planned

 

So don’t expect any fucking chocolate, Diane.

 
 
 
 

Poem #5: For The Couple In A Great Relationship That Have Nice Plans

 
 

Fuck you and your happiness,

 

You’ve really got it made

 

You’re into all this sappiness,

 

You know that you’ll get laid.

 

Your love will last, no need to panic

 

It’s pure and deep and true

 

You’re like the lovers in Titanic

 

Jack dies and you will, too.

 
 
 

Love is jumping off a lifeboat to be with the man you love, and then letting him die like 20 minutes later, anyway.

 
 
 

So there you have it!  If you couldn’t relate to one of those poems at at least one point in your life, I am sorry.  Put in a request in the comments as to what type of person you are on Valentine’s Day, and I will write a special poem for you!

 
 

Follow me on Twitter! @GeorgieGuinane
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