5 Funny Valentine’s Day Poems For Every Type of Person

Posted by Kelli on February 14, 2016

This is a classic post written by Georgie a couple year’s back, but it’s definitely still applicable this Valentine’s Day.

Funny Valentines Day Poems are the perfect way to say “I love you!”  Because nothing says “love” like the cold, dark truth…



Happy Valentine’s Day!  I love everyone who comes to Pophangover, so I guess what I’m saying is… I love you.  You don’t have to say it back, I just wanted to say it because it’s how I feel.  But don’t say it back because you feel like you have to, or whatever. I mean, if you do feel the same way, you can say it if you want.  But you don’t have to.


Okay, enough of that soppy rubbish… In order to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, I’ve written a poem for every type of person/couple on this holiday. Enjoy!



Poem #1: For The Guy Who Is Stuck In The Friend Zone


You know you’re in the Friend Zone


Because she does not want to bone


Yet you sit in bed, all alone,


And ‘bate to texts on your phone


Convinced that “:)” had a sexy tone


But you’re just not attractive enough, Tyrone



Poem #2: For The Newly-In-Love Couple


At last, you’ve found a lover


Do you know what rhymes with that?


Hover, cover, smother…


It’s a trap, it’s a trap, it’s a trap.


Poem #3: For The Single Girl Who Can’t Handle It


This is not an easy time


You’re like a victim of a crime


Because this day is a reminder:


You’re not a “keeper,” or a “find her!”


You’re a “going to die alone-r.”


Poem #4: For The Guy Who Thinks Valentine’s Day Is Bullshit


“Love” doesn’t need it’s own special day


It’s an action you do, not something you say


Gestures of love should be natural, not planned


So don’t expect any fucking chocolate, Diane.


Poem #5: For The Couple In A Great Relationship That Have Nice Plans


Fuck you and your happiness,


You’ve really got it made


You’re into all this sappiness,


You know that you’ll get laid.


Your love will last, no need to panic


It’s pure and deep and true


You’re like the lovers in Titanic


Jack dies and you will, too.


Love is jumping off a lifeboat to be with the man you love, and then letting him die like 20 minutes later, anyway.


So there you have it!  If you couldn’t relate to one of those poems at at least one point in your life, I am sorry.  Put in a request in the comments as to what type of person you are on Valentine’s Day, and I will write a special poem for you!


Follow me on Twitter! @GeorgieGuinane
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