STARTING NOW: week of 5/5/08

Posted by Jillian Madison on May 8, 2008
STARTING NOW:
NO MORE FRUIT FLAVORED WATERS. If I wanted to drink a beverage that tasted like watered down peach schnapps, I’d have Lindsay Lohan take a piss in my Poland Spring.

starting now…

STARTING NOW:
At the end of the day, school teachers have to leave their bossy attitudes in the cubby hole next to their art smock. Just because you have the authority to make little Johnny line leader, doesn’t mean you get to tell me which line to stand in at the grocery store. Now run along, Skylar just shit herself.

starting now…

STARTING NOW:
Home Depot and Lowes need to stop claiming they employ a bunch of “experts” and admit what they really have is a store full of morons who flunked out of trade school and don’t know the difference between joint compound and Pamela Anderson’s tits.

starting now…

STARTING NOW:
Country Music needs to stop embracing every singing idiot in a cowboy hat. No one cares about your squeaky front porch swing, or the 97 pound catfish you caught while your wife was out screwing your neighbor. Hey Bobby Jo, there’s a reason mainstream music rejected you – you suck!

starting now…

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