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CAKE -vs- CUPCAKES
MICHELLE: This one is simple. CAKE.
Why? The cupcake's name alone is downright amiss. CUPcake?
There's nothing CUP like about it, or you'd be able to drink out of the foil receptacles they come served in.
It's a very basic rule of thumb: food should be associated with plates, and drinks associated with cups. And besides,
no one ever says, "Hey, I'm too lazy to cut you some pie, so here is a cup-pie I got from the Entenman's outlet."
JILL: I disagree. It's all about the cupcake. Big deal, the cupcake's name is slightly lame. Plenty of cool things have lame names. Like Poland Spring.
It's neither from Poland, nor from a Spring, yet it tastes better than the chlorinated assliquid that comes out of
my faucet. So if you're going to diss the delicious yumminess that is a cupcake, at least come at me with something
other than its name.
MICHELLE: Fine. How about this.
Other than Harrison Ford, who wants to enjoy cakey goodness in the shape of Calista Flockhart's breasts?
Slices of real cake are where it's at since they offer the eater a variance in size. With cake you can say,
"I'll take a big slice," or perhaps, "No, I'm on Weight Watchers this week, so make it small." But what can
you do with a cupcake? Once you bite into it, it's ruined. No one wants half of a cup-cake.
JILL: What's the big deal. If you're feeling a tad bit John Goodman-ish, just eat TWO or perhaps THREE cupcakes.
At least there's no messy clean-up with cupcakes. No dishes and silverware to wash. Just unwrap the tasty morsel,
eat, and discard. Because let's face it, only that bitch from the Palmolive commercial enjoys doing dishes.
MICHELLE: What makes cupcakes worse is that they have spawned an even smaller, more annoying breed
- no not the Oompa Loompa, but the MINI CUPCAKE. How much smaller can these things get? Soon we'll all
be popping cupcakes like a fat girl pops Junior Mints. And we all know how dangerous Junior Mints can
be from that Seinfeld episode.
JILL: At least cupcakes don't have any annoying quotes about them like cake does -- "you want to have your
cake and eat it too!" No shit. Am I supposed to have the cake and just stare at it? Or perhaps have the
cake and ship it to Sally Struthers instead of enjoying it myself?
MICHELLE: Yeah? Well what about "Let Them Eat Cake." The saying wasn't "Let Them Eat Cupcakes." More proof cake
reigns supreme.
JILL: Fine. I'll remind you of that next time I catch you snacking on one of my cupcakes.
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