EPISODE #303 - DRIVING TRAINING MISS DAISY

The ENTIRE episode centered around Jessica's new dog, Daisy. Petting Daisy. Feeding Daisy. Teaching Daisy how to pee on Britney Spears magazine covers. Now don't get me wrong... I love animals... but Daisy could be the dimmest dog I've ever seen. Not like I'm shocked or anything. What's that they say about pets resembling their owners?

The episode opened with Nick chasing the dog around, screaming, "Oh, you did a bad thing!" Darn that dog, always jumping up to push the "power" button on the radio with its nose whenever the Newlyweds "Take My Breath Away" duet comes on. Cut it some slack, Nick. You know unpleasant sounds can wreak havoc on a dog's sensitive eardrums.

Cut to a riveting clip of Nick flipping through the newspaper. He said, "Oh, The Notebook came out today."  Jessica asked, "On DVD?"  No, Jessica, it came out in braille. It's all the rage.
 
Later on, Daisy took a dump on the couple's white shag carpet... again. And someone at MTV thought it'd be fun to film an 8-second long shot of the terd. So either the producer was trying to get back at Fred the Cameraman for being 15 minutes late to work, or he really wanted to piss off those two British ladies from How Clean Is Your House. "Is that poo-poo? I think that's poo-poo. You're ALL filthy beasts, you are."

Ding-dong, the dog trainers arrived. Among the questions they asked: "How often do you brush Daisy's teeth?"  PLEASE. Jessica doesn't even brush her own teeth. So I'm fairly certain the charming task of fingering a canine "Brush-Up" isn't in danger of surpassing "Brush Hair 1000 Times, Fart, Repeat," on her to-do list:

After the commercial, Nick and Jessica took Daisy to the vet for a check-up after her little doggie hysterectomy. The vet said, "Things look great. Just remember, no running or jumping until 3 weeks after the surgery." Jessica immediately got upset and said, "But I have a concert tomorrow night, and I just learned a new move!"

And that brought this weeks INCREDIBLY boring episode to an end. Stay tuned next week, when Jessica's on set of The Dukes of Hazzard and actually tries to (gasp) ACT.