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EPISODE #306 - NEW YEARS IN MIAMI (PART
2)
Another week, another riveting episode
of Newlyweds! The lovebirds were apparently still in Miami.
We deduced this not from the beaches and art-deco buildings,
but from the quick clip of the clueless elderly couple trying to
translate the Spanish writing on their food labels at the grocery
store: "Look honey, this one says PENE. I think I
finally found the pasta!"
Off to
dinner in the 923-passenger stretch hummer, because apparently, in
Miami, you're nobody unless your limo is big enough
to comfortably transport the entire Brady Bunch (and
Alice) on a cross country trip to the Grand Canyon. While
serving the food, one of the waiters spilled butter on
Jessica's ass.
He then snuck off to the side and started laughing, not because
Jessica looked like she peed her pants, but because he secretly replaced
Jessica's Folgers Crystals with one of the cook's used chewing tobacco. And because
Robin Williams actually thinks the movie "Robots" will be a
hit.
The crew was then off to watch
the action at the Orange Bowl. Trouble erupted during the half-time
show when Kelly Clarkson's microphone failed to work. The
problem still wasn't fixed by time Ashlee Simpson took the stage.
Jessica watched her sister nervously and suddenly exclaimed, "SHE
TOOK HER EAR OUT!" Really? She took her ear out? Just like that?
Hmm, if one's ear detaches itself with a simple tug, I hardly
think a faulty microphone should be high on their list of
problem issues.
Time passed, and suddenly Jessica was again
on set of The Dukes of Hazzard driving around in circles like a
toothless perp on COPS. Her stunt driver instructor just
sat paralyzed in the passenger seat and screamed, "Gas! Gas! Gas!"
So either Jessica needed to put the pedal to the metal, or her colon
was really feeling the effects of that 3rd Chalpua. The choice is
yours.
And that brought this INCREDIBLY boring episode to an
end. Stay tuned next week, when Nick and the boys take a "Guys
Trip," moon people, and are forced to pay some
random Mexican dude $10,000.
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