EPISODE #804

 (alternatively titled: "mommy, why are the two girls making out in the back of the van?!?")

Ok, before I even start the critique of tonight's episode - I just have to ask this: WHAT in the HELL was up with Kaia's sunglasses? Did anyone else notice them? They covered 99.9% of her face. They were absolutely hideous. Okay, I feel much better now... on with the review!

The episode started with Ruthie and Kaia drinkin' away (gee, what a surprise) at some random Hawaiian nightclub. They were making googly-eyes at each other like a couple of 5th graders who just discovered that flirting was much more exciting than eating paste. The two made it home somehow and decided to sleep in each other's arms... aww, how, uh, romantic. The look on Matt's face when he entered the room to turn the light off was priceless. The next day, Ruthie and Kaia were outside talking, and Ruthie said, "A lot of girls hit on me!" Kaia apparantly entered her "i will be your valiant hero prince!" mode, and said, "I'll get them off your back! Just come to me!" Hi, is someone a little jealous? Mmm-hmm, I would say so.

Next, we cut to a clip of Ruthie and Kaia sitting at the kitchen table (Kaia had apparantly scraped together enough money to buy a shirt, thank GOD)... as Kaia was analyzing one of Ruthie's poems. I personally think Kaia should be shot for saying, "There are so many levels of depth to this poem!" but, well, maybe that's just me. What did the poem say? Here's a little snipet: "Oh Kaia, how I would love to get really wasted and make out with you! There's so much experimenting we could do! Oh please, let me kiss you in the back of our van! Honey, once you kiss me, you won't want to kiss a man!" What a talented writer Ruthie is! Anyway, it must have really turned Kaia on, because she said, "I feel very open to anything right now! I don't consider myself bisexual or heterosexual, I am just very free!" in a confessional. Well yeah, ya think? Seems to me that it's just a nice cover-up for being confused, and "out of control."

So the gang went back to party the night away at another club, and once again Ruthie and Kaia were all over each other like white on rice. And then it happened... on the car-ride home... as Kaia said, "the next thing I knew, Ruthie was kissing me!" Ah yes, high fives all around for the Real World cameramen - they captured the first lesbian hookup session between two castmembers. Oh, and this was no peck on the lips... the two were goin' at it. Pull away. Get back to kissing. Break it up, get it on again. But what I don't understand is, WHY did they have their hands in front of their faces the whole time? Were they trying to HIDE? I don't get it. "Hey, there are two girls making out in the back of the van! They look a lot like Kaia and Ruthie, but I can't quite tell... their hands are in front of their faces!" Colin and Matt could barely contain their excitement from the kiss - just being typical guys. Anyway, you know Bunim & Murray are LOVING this, and you can bet the champagne was flowing in their homes after the airing of tonight's episode.

Ah yes, we come back from break to watch a clip that will live on in all of our minds for a long time - the "Amaya dragging the surfboard" clip. HELLO??? Are you RETARDED??? Pick up the damn surfboard, stop whining, and get your ass going! Have some respect for other people's property. She was just being a brat, which is what she does best. And she complains that she has to deal with the stereotypes of being a "sorority girl?"  Please, she fits herself right into EVERY sorority girl stereotype I know.

Next, yes, the "PICTURES" of the drunken-lesbian-kiss arrived. Apparantly the psychotic sloth herself, Ruthie, forgot all about the kiss. She said, "there was a kiss in the van? This is all new to me! My girlfriend's gonna kill me!"  Ruthie - SHUT THE HELL UP. Puh-leease. Do you think *ONE* person in this world actually believes you "FORGOT" about the kiss? Ruthie then, in a momentary wave of wholesomeness, broke into her after-school-special mode and said, "I don't remember, and that is wrong!"  Gee, shouldn't it be, "I am a lying, cheating, obnoxious, drunk sloth... the posterchild for everything your parents don't want you to turn into... and that is wrong!"  Yeah, I think so. Kaia told Amaya over a bowl of Honey Combs that she "wouldn't have kissed Ruthie if she wasn't drunk." I don't buy that, either. Kaia's ego was just kicking in... as of to say, "she doesn't remember a kiss with *ME?* How is that possible? Well, FINE, I wouldn't have kissed her anyway!"  

Nevertheless, Ruthie was feeling "guilty" so she decided to tell her girlfriend about the kiss when she called... she just cooly said, "I kissed one of my roommates and I didn't know. Is that cool?"  and the reply, "Yeah, I'm not mad." Maybe the girlfriend was saving her reaction for next week's bombshell, "Hi, I spent the entire night nude and licking chocolate sauce off of one of my female roommates, but I DIDN'T KNOW... Is that cool?"  That's Ruthie's excuse for everything, "I DIDN'T KNOW." Sure. Whatever.

Finally, we got to witness Amaya at her finest, in what I like to call the "Oscar Clip." Amaya was sitting on the pooltable, whining about how "weird" she felt. She's having a hard time adjusting, apparantly. Teck cut in with his only line of the night and said, "This ain't daycamp, baby!"  Teck, it's not? Hmm, thank GOD you broke that to me now, or I would have been anxiously spending the next 10 weeks waiting for the castmembers to play a game of "duck, duck, splash."  And finally, we got to see some cheesy footage of Colin, Amaya, and the twins tooling around in the ocean together...

And that, my friends, brought another week of Real-World Hawaii drama to an end. And now onto the allmighty TIKI award!

THE ALLMIGHTY TIKI AWARD!!

This week's ALLMIGHTY TIKI award for the most *ANNOYING* character: Congratulations to tonight's winner, RUTHIE... for being an obnoxious, drunk, selfish, cheating liar.

This week's ALLMIGHTY TIKI award for the most vomit-worthy comment: Congratulations to Margaret, uh, KAIA, for the third week in a row! She could have won just by saying, "There are so many levels of depth to this poem!" But no, she had to throw in how "open" and "free" she felt... and she also threw in free of charge, "Ruthie, a lot of girls hit on you cause you fine!" Ah Margaret, SHUT UP so someone else can win this award, will ya?

This is MTVixen Jill sayin'... see ya next week... and if you hook up with someone you wish you didn't hook up with, just blame it on the alcohol! if it works for RUTHIE, it can work for you, too!

back to the REAL WORLD HAWAII Episode Guide "I don't remember, and that is WRONG!"