EPISODE #306 - DAYCARE INTERNS

Yep, it's Wednesday, and that can only mean two things: At least one of your lame co-workers will think they're clever when they refer to it as "Hump-day," and it's time for another wretched episode of The Simple Life.

While en route, Nicole's dog jumped off her lap to do a "number two" on the floor of the bus. The girls just stood there and screamed, "Ewww," and I wasn't sure if it was because the dung reeked, or because one of the female passengers was wearing an outfit that didn't match. Either way, the driver made them clean it up, but what to do with the bag o'crap? Hmm, here's an idea. Take a detour, light it on fire, and throw it at George Bush's front door. Oops, did I say that out loud?

This week, the girls were in Wilmington, Delaware... home of, well, nothing even remotely interesting. The host mother was wearing her sunglasses inside the house while waiting for the girls to arrive, sort of like Whitney Houston doing a television interview the morning after an impish night of all-out cocaine binging. My view? Unless you are recovering from cataract surgery, or until Stevie Wonder becomes a major fashion trendsetter, get those sunglasses off.

The girls were woken up at 5:30 to go to work at the Small Wonder daycare, apparently a child care facility for humanoid robotic children (coincidentally all named Vicki):

After changing some diapers and trying to teach the children how to spell "Yves Saint Laurent," it was time to put the big kids on the bus for kindergarten. The girls even managed to screw up this simple task, and thought it would be fun to flag down random cars and send the children off with strangers. Three kids were put in the back of a beat-up minivan driven by a toothless Mexican lady. The poor things are probably en route to Tijuana to start their new lives as coffee production slave laborers as we speak. 

Back at the daycare, it was time for a friendly game of "Paris Says." Paris says sit down. Paris says touch your ear. Take off your diaper and crap yourself. Ooh, sorry, little boy in the back. She didn't say "Paris Says."

Time to say goodbye to Kim, the lesbian day care owner. Nicole touched her arm and said, "Thanks, sexy!" And just like that, Kim ran into the back room for a little alone time with her "If These Walls Could Talk 2" DVD faster than you could say "LPGA Golfer."