POPHANGOVER

The episode opened with the girls befriending a boy with Turets while riding on the Greyhound bus. Nicole rubbed some of her "Lip-Increasing" balm on him, and let's just say something showed signs of expanding, but unfortunately not in the targeted area. I'll leave you to ponder.

Next we were graced with the presence of CJ Sclafani, the host family's strapping older son. First words out of his mouth? "I lift weights every day and I'm flirted with all the time." Translation? "I have to go to the gym a lot because my penis is smaller than Jackie Chan's."

After getting acquainted with mother Dodie and younger son Mike, the girls were off to their internship. En route, Nicole was wearing a pair of tacky, sequened gold stiletto heels that would have immediately turned Carson Kressley into stone if he were to make eye contact with them. I'll put it to you another way. My mother unfortunately has the worst fashion sense of any living being, and she thought they were "cute." Yes. your honor, the defense would like to rest.

The girls interned at a plastic surgeon's office this week. The first task was to assist with a lip implant surgery. Eric, the patient, was AWAKE and lucid during the entire procedure. How traumatic. That boy should have been knocked out, because let's face it, not many things are as frightening as seeing Nicole Richie holding a scalpel and walking towards you in an operating room. Except maybe finding out your number was listed in Paris Hilton's hacked T-Mobile Sidekick. But I digress.

Paris couldn't handle seeing blood, so she decided to skip the operating room and instead assist the patients during their recuperation. She proceeded to read Eric some excerpts from her new book. Yeah, because apparently he wasn't already in enough pain from having his lips sliced and diced like a cantaloupe on Iron Chef.

After work, the girls went to the gym with the Sclafani boys. CJ said, "People respect me when they see me lifting heavy weights." Nice to know he's at least looked up to by puny runts in the gym, because it's clear everyone else he meets thinks he's an asshole. The girls then asked the guys to strip down to their boxers. Vein CJ immediately complied, and in doing so, proved my "Small Penis Syndrome" theory beyond a reasonable doubt. Meanwhile, younger son Mike simply stood there looking like he had eaten some bad sushi just moments earlier.

When the boys were in the shower, Paris and Nicole stole their clothes and the boys had to walk home in their towels. Thank-you-very-much, no joke needed.

After the commercial break, the girls were back at work assisting with a liposuction on a male patient. I'm not sure how to say this tactfully so I'm just going to come right out with it: He was a first class, grade "A" LARDASS. I'm talking a body so chunky that it made John Goodman's look svelte. He had (shudder) huge man-titties that sank down to his knees. He said, "I've never had lipo before!" Shocking! But he DID apparently have 12 double cheeseburgers en route to the hospital.

And that brought this week's episode to an end. Next week, Nicole gets sick and Paris becomes a TV Weathergirl. Stock up on water and non-perishables folks, the latest computer models are predicting a big shit storm heading our way.