 |
 |
|
|
        | ||
|
|
|
REALTOR SPEAK WHAT THEY SAY vs. WHAT THEY MEAN Anyone who's ever bought a house via a realtor will know just what the hell we're talking about. "Easy acess to highways" Your house will be so damn loud, you can forget about ever sleeping again. "Wooded" Hope you enjoy the "summercamp" atmosphere. Watch out for Jason Voorhees. Sleep with one eye open at all times. "Lovingly maintained" Two old people lived here, and they haven't updated anything since the 60's. "Professionally landscaped" The current homeowners paid someone a lot of money to throw down some hamster bedding and a dwarf tree, and yet the yard still looks like shit. "Gorgeous lot" The house looks like pure crap, but look how pretty the grass is. "Sloped lot" Walking in your back yard will result in serious injury and/or death. And by the way, you'll need a tow truck to get your car out of your driveway when it snows. "New subdivison" Your yard has no grass. Your driveway is not paved. And bulldozers will be waking you up every morning at 7 AM. "Immediate occupancy, don’t wait!" The owners couldn't wait to get out of here, and once you move in, you'll understand why. "Remodeled!" We put up new wallpaper but the roof, furnace, and stove are all from 1972. "You’ll love this bright & sunny home” The windows need repair, and a skylight fell out. "Desirable West End area" Yeah, this area is ok, but dont go 2 miles east without a bulletproof vest. "Walk to beach" If the house wasn't near the beach, it would cost $200,000 less. Yo' gettin' ripped off, fool. "Great opportunity for first time buyer” You must be desperate, because no one in their right mind would want this place. It should be condemned. "Handyman special" None of the toilets work and the ceiling caved in last week. Good luck, you'll need it. "Move right in!" The old woman who lived here just died, so it's all yours. |
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|